Peel Banana

Urgency versus being fully present

2012-02-01T10:47:00.000-08:00

Love letter to self

My ego says now, now, now. Urgent, NOW, I want, want, want, I want everything GOOD right now.

That's cool. That's okay.

But the heart, my higher self, says something different.

Heart says everything in good time sweet one and, also, what's happening here in this moment?

The heart beckons and asks me gently - can you tune in right now and find out my love - could you, would you?

The heart asks also what can you gift yourself with here-and-now - Now, Now? Not in the future Now or the past Now, but the now Now now? ;)

I love the simplicity of this. Life as a series of moments & the practise of being fully present with life as it happens.

What's happening now and what do I need - now, right Now?

For me?

Peace, love, gentleness, grounding.

And just saying it feels good. Writing it too activates these qualities into being.

Yummmm. I like these words, these qualities, I can do this without the actual doing bit. I can BE this sweetie, yes.

What about you sweet-pea? What does your heart express and seek to remind you that is available for you here and right now?

xx

Doodles from my phone.

2012-01-28T17:09:00.000-08:00

Lime Green

Beautiful, messy life

I am Bag Lady

I love letting go of outcome/significance/the need to make meaning or create structure.

Yes sweetie, I love to play.

Not that I actually practise letting go of outcome/significance/bla bla bla - I'm lucky it just happens more and more naturally for me nowadays.

I'm so happy that the energy tools I use help to create more ease and flow where once I would habitually worry and judge myself into Not doing, or Not experimenting.

How amazing to feel able to fling open previously closed doors. How delightful to be willing to expand one's horizon! And, how much fun and ease can we create sweet one's?!?

Love you guys!

Leila xxx

A simple prayer: Letting go.

2012-01-26T04:59:00.000-08:00

Let me be your vessel sweet, sweet divine.
Help me know, recognise, feel your presence, all of the time.
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Pssst!
Usual Comments Roo apply:
Everyone get's to have & own their experiences, responses & points of view.
♥ ♥ ♥ No advice, therapising etc. ♥ ♥ ♥
Thank you so much for being here!

I Believe in You Chicken! (*The Post Where I Encourage You to Keep Going)

2012-01-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

I believe in you sweet-pea. And if you'd be willing to hear me I would urge you to keep going, keep going with this business of looking after you, of knowing you, of loving you.

Keep on going looking after You - even and especially when you are in some kind of pain, anxiety, stress, or sadness.

One day you will trust, you will know, that you are as amazing as you really are.

One day it will be a feeling, a knowing that you will experience easily & all of the time.

You are so much more powerful than you realise sweet one - so much more magical.

There's no need to accept insecurity, unworthiness, fear, as the truth of who you are. It’s not the real You.

Keep going.

I believe in you. J

Leila x

Comment Roo

I love it when you feel inspired to comment – so very gorgeous, thank you! But equally hellloooo & big wave to those who don't - I adore You too! Please note this is a Be Ruddy Gorgeous Space - which means no processing or offering of advice to anyone here, ta. Thank you chicken's!

Lauren Marie talks sense to Leila. No, this is not a hysterical review of 2011, promise! ;)

2011-12-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

Hello sweetie's,

Just had to share a recent chat on Skype
with my friend Lauren Marie.

Look - lovely purrrty lady - with so much heart-head smartness tis un-b-ur-ruddy-lieavable. ;)

http://www.elementcenter.com/

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Lauren:
Repeat-a-me

(Lauren is in Italy when she writes this, so is doing her bestest cod Italian accent.)

I am a gift

Leila:
Ok.
I am a gift.

Lauren:
And a contribution
To the world
And everyone in it

Leila:
And a contribution
To the world
And everyone in it.

Ohhhhh.

Lauren:
Some can receive me.
They are smart.
Some can not.

Leila:
Hmmm...
God...
Wowww.

Lauren:
Those who can Not

Leila:
Yes yes
?

Lauren:
Fuck em.

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Honestly, could she be any sweeter & funnier?!?

She totally flippin' cracked me up.
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Now, your turn sweetness. :)

Repeat after me:

Repeata-after-me.

I am a gift.

Go on - say eeet!

I am a gift.

And a contribution.

And againnn!

I am a gift & a contribution to the world & everyone in it.
--------------------------------------------------------------

He heee.

2012 is gonna be magical!

Hold on tight!

Happy New Year!

LOVE YOOOOO!!!! :):):)

Leila xxxx

You are Amazinggggg! The Christmas Bloggy-Do-Dar! Christmas Pud!

2011-12-24T04:42:00.000-08:00

You have an amazing body,
Doing amazing things,
All of the time!!!

You have an amazing smile,
(That you rarely notice,)
Which even babies receive,
And move in delight to!

You have an amazing sense of touch,
That reassures & helps,
To soften, expand, be.

You have an amazing heart,
That radiates,
Beauty,
Hope,
Light,
Laughter!

So, please, sweet being,
Remember...

You don't have to dooooo Christmas,
(That's a lie,)
In any particular way, at all!

*Right now it's Christmas Eve,
I'm in my jim jam's writing this,
Gleeee!!!!

You don't have to fulfil,
Other people's expectations,
At least, not any more,
We're all grown up!

And, guess what,
You can still be,
Imperfect & divine,
All at the same time.

So what if you chose, instead,
To take a moment,
A moment, much like Now now,
To say...

Mmmm, thank you,
To you,
Yes, You!

Even if it feels a little silly.

Mmmm Thank You,
For the gift that you already are,
And are willing to be.

See how that feels sweet one?!?
Any better, the same, or different?

What if being You is the gift,
That Christmas, really needs the most?

You are loved, loved, loved!!!

Happy Lovelicious Christmas sweet-peas, wherever and whoever you are with!

Mwuah!

Leila xxx

PS - if you like this post or any other's - just press the link below to share with friends. Thank you Rooroo!!!

PPs - if you're getting this via email - love you too - thank you! Please note that I haven't figured out how to add a share button there as yet. ;) Imperfectly divine, right? xx

Pssttt - if you're thinking what the f.ck does Roo mean?!?...it's a term of endearment that I apply to gorgeous beings like You! That is all!

Tapping into Bliss:Yummmmmm

2011-12-20T04:01:00.000-08:00

Hey sweet being's,

Magnus at Tapping.com has the most delicious, scrumptious, energising, tapping product everrrrr!

http://enlightenmenttapping.com/

And if you don't know what tapping is just type 'Emotional Freedom Technique' into You Tube. It is ridiculously easy to learn, providing you let go of the need to do it 'right'. ;)

Here's some of my favourite's. Very down to earth and practical and super friggin' helpful. Yes it looks odd, but it totally works sweetie's!!!

http://youtu.be/heQvpti4uvo

http://youtu.be/xYwRVp0HLaA
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Ooo a snippet of loveliness from Magnus below taken from his latest product. http://enlightenmenttapping.com/

*All you gotta do is tap on Karate Chop point (the side of hand) whilst you read these words out loud. Easy peasy, yaaa?!?

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I have the Power to deal with my Consciousness.
I have the Power to deal with my Intention.
I have the Power to deal with my Light Body.
I have the Power to deal with my Mind.
I have the Power to deal with my Soul.
I have the Power to deal with my Heart.
I have the Power to deal with my Chakras.
I have the Power to deal with my Emotions.
I have the Power to deal with my Choices.
I have the Power to deal with my Energy.
I have the Power to deal with my Feelings.
I have the Power to deal with my Body.

I Release the idea that my Feelings are more Powerful than me.
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I love that last line especially. So very relevant for Little Miss Sensitive meeee!

*My tippity-tip:

If you find resistance coming up simply repeat the process but change the language to match a polar opposite point of view that you hold.

So, for example, instead of I am powerful turn it round to I am powerless. This helps by bringing up the negative feelings, thoughts and conditioning and to release any judgement that you may have locked in place.

I am powerless to deal with my Consciousness.
I am powerless to deal with my Intention.
I am powerless to deal with my Light Body.

If you tap on either the positive or negative thoughts the intensity with which you hold a particular limited belief, thought, or emotion, will vamoosh!!!

And don't worry you can't successfully tap away an actual truth you can only open up to more and more yumminess from the Universe by releasing all the resistance around it. How wonderful is that?!? Weeeee!!!

I love this product so much that I have asked Magnus whether I can be an affiliate for it. I am playing with the idea of using this script each day and seeing what changes occur! Let me know how you guys get on. :)

Ok poppet's, time to go. Ooo Christmas is coming, change is in the air and I am so damn excited for the new year ahead!!! Woohoooo!!!!

Blowing y'all kisses for any the ishooos coming up ready to clear. You're not alone with this sweetpea.

Remember be super duper kind to yourself - especially over Christmas!

Love, light and magical chocolate cake!

Leila xxx

Psssst
Usual comment rooraa applies.
Play nice! No advice - come play!

Gifting Yourself With Love & Appreciation No Matter What!

2011-11-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

Sweet one,

What would it feel like if you kept on loving yourself no matter what? No matter what my friend. Can you imagine?

What if you could keep opening up to receiving and generating more and more love & connection with yourself, with the Universe, with each other?

What if you could do it even and especially when you felt misunderstood, or angry, or hurt?

What if you no longer denied yourself love and appreciation? What if you didn't need to earn it, or measure it out, according to external things?

What if you stopped waiting for other people to gift you with what you need & you practised gifting yourself with it instead? How would that be beautiful one?

What if we could receive fully from ourselves - even during those times when we feel we have fallen short of our own idealised standards of what goodness is, of what right and wrong is?

D'ya hear me sweet-pea?

We're in a significant focused world so it is easy to forget that our simply being here is an invaluable, precious and divine gift.

---------------------------------------------------

Hello sweet me,

Even when I am angry, hurt, confused, overwhelmed, I can still receive love - from myself, from the Universe, from the air, from the leaves, from all around me and within - the Universe that is Me.

Having emotions, ups and downs, doubts, bad days, doesn't make me wrong, or bad, or unworthy of love.

I am so powerful & magical, just as you are, that I can be love, feel love, know love - no matter what I do, or don't do, and at any given time.

L xxx

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Sparkly Comment Roo

This is a B-Nice Space!
No advice given - unless specifically requested.

Humungus thanks for being here gorgeous one!!!

Peel Banana Love

Leila

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear sweet being, November calls for more self love

2011-11-11T01:03:00.000-08:00

Sweetest being,
What do you do when exhaustion strikes? Do you have anything in your rescue remedy kit my love?

What do you do when you have had enough of things as they are? The overwhelm, or exhaustion, or the sense of struggle.

Now is the time for more ease, more play, more contribution to this planet on our own terms sweet-pea. Yeeehaaaa!!!

Breathe innnnnn and outtttt. If it feels fun - do it until something shifts.

Even if you aren't managing to get a good night's sleep - allow yourself to enjoy your time spent in bed.

Make your bedroom feel like a place you would love to hang out in.

Wouldn't it be gorgeous if every time you climbed into bed you felt like you were gifting yourself with something yummy and loving?!

Stock up on food that is easy to cook, but delicious and comforting too. Doesn't that sound good?

I've been returning to the food that we ate as a family when we had absolutely no money. So I've stocked up on Heinz tins of food in! Ha! Deeply comforting.

Ask for help from the Divine/Universe/God. Write a letter, or pray. I've being doing it all this month - so do what works for you sweet one!

Please Universe can you help me to feel more supported? I’m in a bit of a hole right now, please help me be the change i need with as much ease as possible so that I can access more joy, love, fun, contribution and as soon as possible?

Gently remind yourself to be kind to yourself - no matter what.

Don't wait to be thinner, prettier, more successful, rich, worthy. Be kind to yourself right now, however crappy or brilliant you may feel about yourself and ze Universe!!!

Ask yourself what resources you have around you or inside you to help clear the energy of overwhelm or whatever pattern of nyuuu you have in place. Is there anything you have been overlooking dearest one?

Do the‘just one thing at a time' rule. In other words – give yourself permission to do less and Be more. Is this worthy of repetition?;)

Do just-one-small-thing. Be more, do less.

Ohhhhh and super important!

Take time in nature. Do ya notice how your breathing changes? Do you notice how your energy shifts, opens and expands ya? Yummy yes?!?;)

Nature is God's work at it's best. Enjoy it sweet one. It's all around you.

SUPER DOOPER NOTE

If you're asking for change my love then you may notice that there are lots of old patterns or painful conflicts appearing in your life.

It can feel really very yucky & super challenging - hugssssss!!!

Remember, if you can, that there's a bigger picture or wisdom at work here, which is in alignment with your longing to change. this is a chance to work through and clear old programming and pain.

I'm in the thick of this learning right now beloved one - so know that you're not alone.

But either way - be kind and gorgeous to yourself beautiful being.

We need you to be beautiful You.

Sending you all my love,

Leila

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Comment Roo Roo

This is a B-Nice Space!
No advice given - unless specifically requested.
Humungus thanks for being here gorgeous one!!!
Leila xxx

The Magical Perspective

2011-10-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

Do you remember what it was like to be a child who saw the magic in everything?

The child who hadn't yet learned to dismiss their own heart and imagination, or to think of themselves as lesser than anything or anyone?

The child who hadn't yet learned how to compare, or distinguish themselves - from the trees, from Mummy, from inanimate objects & spaces outside and in?

The child who knew there was no joy in simply accumulating facts, knowledge and points of view. Do you remember that about your sweet self?

Do you remember the joy and ease of holding an eyes wideopen curiosity and intuition and an inner knowing about all things?

The child that was You who simply knew with an unshakeable conviction that anything was possible. That everything was possible.

We lived in the reality that if we could think it - then we could be it - right? Do you remember now my sweet?

And wasn't that a blissful, adventurous state to be in and to discover life through?

Everything from the magical perspective. Everything from the perspective of magic.

Let awe, let pleasure, let curiosity, let love & magic, be our guide.

-----------------------------

Thanks for being here with me you gorgeous, fabulous creature's!

Leila xxxxx

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*Inspired by the contributors and creators of Access Consciousness™

www.accessconsciousness.com

*Tools that will totally help to defog the often foggy & cluttered mind!

Opening to possibility

2011-09-22T05:24:00.000-07:00

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Breathe in the light, breathe in the love, breathe in the ease. Declare the service that you are and soon will be.

Just ask the Universe sweetie and receive.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The future contained in my hands.
Marks denote:Gifted speaker, gifted writer, healer, psychic flashes, innovative & appeals to mass audience

What would it be like to contribute to this Universe by helping others? What would it be like to do this with a sense of flow and ease and joy? What if, what if, what ifffff??? Mmmm mmmmm.

Allow everything to begin with a question - that way you'll be opening yourself up to possibilities as yet unknown to your cognitive mind.

What if....anything was possible? What if... your fear or anxiety was just a signal of more delicious, good things yet to come?!???

If you could start your day with a question and simply enjoy where it takes you - what would it be?

Leilaxxxx

PSsssst!!! The Information Bit
With thanks to Access Consciousness™ and Rikka Zimmerman for waking me up to even more potential, magic, power and potency and the beginning of a journey with this gorgeously inspiring tribe of people. I don't know how yet - but I can't wait to train with y'all! xxxx™ http://www.rikkasplayground.com/

Plus the fabulous Jenna Avery provides individual and group sessions based on hand analysis & helped me find my thang on the basis of the hands pictured above!
http://jennaavery.com/

Love & magnificence

2011-08-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

*Written in response to the recent riots in this beautiful, crazy city.

Photo: I-Love-London-Positive Messages, Time Out.

Magnificent and beautiful

That's what we are

And possess

These qualities

From birth

They are

God given

The circumstances

Of our lives
The pain

The suffering

The limitations

We perceive as real

And all-encompassing

None of these things

Have true power
If we remember
Our Magnificence

If we hold firm

To this truth

Since we can always

Love more
Give more

Contribute more

We can remember

Our magnificence

In a second

And when we give

To someone other

Than ourselves

Our value

Increases

Tenfold

Our heart opens

To dance in joy

That we have

Chosen love

Once more

Instead of

Giving in

To fear and hate

Separate and envious

For things

We haven't got

Convinced

That what

We need
Or want

Will make

Or save us

These beliefs are false

False power

We pander to false Gods

We are born

To connect
Born to contribute

To a greater whole

And when we

Forget this truth

We suffer

We suffer deeply

Lose all moral compass

Hope and vision

We are born

To Love

It is the ultimate

Act of creation

Available to us all

Even when

We did not receive

Enough love

Even when

We perceive

We did not receive it

In all the ways

It was most needed

Even then

Even when

We have been

Mocked abandoned

Abused

Or misunderstood

Even then

My friends

Because

We are born

Lovers

Each and every one

Of us

A heart full

Of possibilities

And you my friend

You are a vessel

Of this very thing

Called love

Of giving

Of forgiveness

Of love

If you choose it

If you make this choice

Today

And from one moment

To the next

Choose to be open

To more love

Make the decision

In an instant

Choose love

Choose

Love

Right

Now

Right Now

Choose

Love

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COMMENT HOOHAR

Choosing love can mean many different things depending upon our circumstances.

We may be called to love fiercely, loudly, gently, subtly, passionately - depending upon context and need.

So this concept of choosing love? Please know that it means whatever it needs to mean to you right now and I want you to be okay with that.

Continue to listen to your heart and wisdom. In other words - I don't have the answers - you do.

Please note that this is not a space where we offer advice to each other, or psychoanalyse, or criticise. And understand that my position is not up for debate either. (At least not here darling's.)

And finally, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me in your own process and witnessing a little of my own thoughts 'n' reflections.

With all my love,

Leila xxxx

The healing journey

2011-06-21T17:17:00.000-07:00

Look inside of yourself
and outside of yourself.

Meditate

climb a tree
do therapy
call your angels
do EFT

drink some tea
read a book
watch TED
watch Oprah, at her best
nap constantly

get a cat
or look at
your friends photo's of cats
because they're just
so very Zen

or take a walk
doodle
eat slowly
or at least try
have a bath
try take a break

well what about a dog
instead then??

notice the sky
dream lots
email me
form your own tribe

get a massage
hold hands
find an intuitive
to help you heal

yeah, You know
your heart?
the one that needs
to open up

and remember
to receive?
as fully as
it can

yeah that one

basically
do whatever
it fucking takes
to free yourself

from the tight hold that
I am not worthy and
It's not possible

has
wrapped
around
your Self

my sweet
potato pie

breathe deep

as always
and fill your heart
with goodness
fill it up

the love that is
inside of You
that is
your birthright

darling
yes it is

because you can
you are
you will
andmost of all
you are good enough
anyways.

Forget the rest
somehow
It doesn't matter
It never did

it just takes a little
to remember
who we are
and what we know.

With all my love,

Leila xxx

*Inspired by an old friend, Lucien, who travels a similar path - living his truth, following his heart & learning how to survive & more than that to thrive and contribute to his time on this planet.

PSSSSST COMMENTS BOUNDARY DARLING'S!

No advice please poppets.
Reflect upon your own stuff/them themes/ish-oos.
Dance, dream, hold yourself, whisper, comment, know that we are all in this together. We really are I promise.

Lessons in self care and the belated introduction to Love Bug TV!

2011-05-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

Hello sweetie's,

This is a super quick update, I've been meaning to post for a while but life has just felt FULL you know?

Life has been more about needing to Be rather Do.

What I notice is that I'm in Doing mode most days really. Work in the cubicle, straight home to create, or research, or blog, or, you know, that kind of thing.

Familiar right? We must do more, be more, create more. Eeyuuuu. Not What my Soul Wants.

After so many years disconnected from my own creative juicy spirit it is easy to forget that I have a body which needs attention.

It is easy to forget that I have time, that we all have time to do what we really need to do.

And yes it's a challenge to ignore the must-do-it-all-now gremlins that whisper in my ear.

So my tired, frazzled brain reminds me to respect and nurture my body. It's a practise right now, which in all honesty, I slip in and out of.

But self care is where it's at baby and I know this. Yes, so important to rest and sleep my love's.

Important to breathe in the fresh air. To place your feet firmly on the ground. To look up to the sky.

I send all our self care rituals and body's needs some sprinklings of magical fairy dust!

So that we may remember that nurture is as important as doing, creating, growing.

And now, without further ado, here's a little thing I made earlier. My first vlog - my very own Love Bug TV!

Oooooo yayyyyyyyy - excitingggggg! It was so much fun to make - full of love and ease! Yum, yum, yum!!!

(Sorry the linky poo is so teensy weensy - it does work though!)

http://www.vimeo.com/23452801

Enjoyyyyyy and embrace your inner child my loves and learn how to reset your internal I-am-silly button!

Leilaxxxx

Shifting perceptions of failure for signs of meaning & magic! Also known as: How to keep going when you think that you've failed too many times to start over again.

2011-05-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

My internal sacred yummy space says:

Remember to weave your mistakes, your learning, into the map that is emerging of who you are and what you need to thrive and grow my lovely.

Remember that every mistake, abandoned dream, or project, is an opportunity to learn more about how you thrive and what your heart needs to experience in order to singggg!

Don't lose hope my sweet.

All these challenges will help you to hone your skills and gifts and you know that really.

This is so beautiful and inspiring and full of hope!

Thank you Leila's internal sacred yummy space ~~that desperately needs renaming cos it sounds a bit rude He hee!~~

So, my darling's, what about gorgeous, inspired You?

When you turn inside for a moment to listen, what does your 'internal space' or wisdom have to say?

Ask her/him a question and see what she comes up with for you!

With love,

Leila xxx

Q: And how did you get to have such a yummy internal space??? Can I have one too?

A: By doing the laziest form of meditation every day on the bus to and from work and in my lunch break - as written about here by scrumptious Leonie! http://bit.ly/juky1z And yes - you totally can. JUst read her post and get stuck in or stop by the lovely Happy Moon here! http://bit.ly/lgRWvV

xxxx

A little Woo, a little wei! I love you, I love me too! x

2011-04-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wu_wei

The thing i need to say out loud is that I love this life. I love this world.

Stuff is changing in ways I never really thought was possible.

Inside out kind of change. Nobody can necessarily see it or define it in a clear, concrete, evidence based kind of way.

But, even so, you know it's there. You can feel it and it runs deep, deep. deep inside of you.

For me, today, it is something of:

Joy, joy, JOY, love.

And tears too. They burst outta me.

And I am so damn grateful for it all - so damn grateful.

I want to celebrate this fact.

Rejoicing in our fleshy, vulnerable, humanness & ways.

Here we are - in this thing together.

Here we are.

Can you feel it? Can you sweet?

And will you join me? Here and now?

Silently is good. Out loud is perfect too.

Hand on heart. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

xxxx

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Usual commentroo (comment rules) apply. But in short - be gorgeous! Thank you darling's - you always are!

Ze inside - out lurve dance: Where we speak love, feel love, create love! Sherwinnnnnnggggg!

2011-03-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

Oh lordy - this is what came up when I asked myself what message I needed to hear today:

If nothing else...
I am okay
I am enough
I am safe
I am loved
I give & receive love with ease
I am loveable
I am enough

Ohhhhh. This feels goooood, this feels like something I can believe in today. WOWWW!

*Pssssst, there was a time, not all that long ago actually, when I would have been totally astounded by the idea that I could develop, tune in, or listen to such a genuine, loving & yummy inner voice.

I would have gone - really? Really?! As in to emphasise - what a load of bull! Cynical - moi?? So I'm happy that I am in a place where this feels helpful, delicious & a message that I can genuinely create, taste, absorb.

YUMYUMYUM my darling's! I want more of this on my menu.

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Wanna play this game my darleeeeng's?

Take a few deep breaths. Place your hand on heart or belly, wherever feels good, feet planted firmly on the ground.

Take three more deep breaths into your gorrrrgeous belly. Slowly in for 4 - out for 4. (Hopefully this will be YUMMILICIOUS!!!)

If you could ask your higher self in this moment what message you needed to hear today - what words might s/he offer you that comfort or inspire? Doodle whatever comes to mind!

And if you don’t believe in the concept of a higher self then just think about your wiser self instead - change up the language to suit who you are my darleeeng's!

Or feel free to imagine yourself as a zillion years old looking back at you now - what words might s/he say to you to help you, to guide you, to make things a little easier and kinder?

Don't try and get this exercise right just be as open and curious as you are comfortable with.

Which means that you can notice and allow any resistance to come up. That's normal and ok too. Offer some love & self acceptance to that part of you too.

OooOOOoo & again: Don't forget to breathe my darling's!

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Today's comment boundary

Share what feels relevant & alive for you right now.

Trust that you totally don't have to say anything either - cos honestly? I'm just so very-happy-you-are-here regardless of commenting or not!

To know there's always another option. Like you can always just read and enjoy it! He heeee! Orrrr you could send me a magical YooHooooo 'hello' instead if you felt so inclined!

The 'Ooo La Laaa': To practise focusing on your own process & reactions. Which means dis is an advice free zone - this is a booootiful b-lovely space we are creating - innit?

With thanks to Goddess Leonie, Bridget Pilloud, Larisa Koehn and Doreen Virtue & their meditative practises & knowing ways. http://www.goddessguidebook.com/ http://www.bridgetpilloud.com/
http://www.larisakoehn.com/

I you!

Leila

Doodles - about the heart & being broken wide open

2011-03-04T16:42:00.000-08:00

I've been having fun playing with ideas - exploring words, images and making meaning from the glorious mess that is life and the livin' of it.

This, the text and image below, may well be the beginnings of a product I will sell online. At least I am playing with this possibility. But I am still very much in the process of ~~evaluating my products~~ building my confidence & figurin' out what I really want to create and sell online - as well as to consider what might have value for my potential customers.

Oooo I have never actually said that out loud on my blog before either. Cripes! Hoping, dreaming, researching, what it means to create a biz online. Weeeeeeeeeee! At last - the cat's outta the bag!

Without further ado - doodles baby, doodles.
________________________________________________________________________________

crumpled but wide open

Love doesn't have a clue

she just turns up uninvited

and asks for more

casual like

as if it's easy

to forgive and forget

as if it's easy

to keep talking

from the heart

as if being brave

is nothin'

but nature

doin' it's thing

________________________________________________________________________________

Comment Dingaling!

Feel free to share your stories of love, or your creative doodles and moments of inspiration. Zat would be wonderful!!!xxxx
What I don't want is advice or feedback about my fears and stuff - ta.
Thank you sweetpea's & for anyone else who needs it - here's some huuuge hugs for the good and the hard!

Leila xxx

Ways into happiness: Feet-belly-breath

2011-02-01T11:30:00.000-08:00

i love to feel

I love to feel my feet against the ground.

I breath into the space between my toes & through to the soles of my feet & heels.

I sink into the earth.

I feel the connection between foot & floor.

I feel the earth support me. I am here in this moment - in my body feeling the connection with the earth.

Body + breath + focus + ease = Moments of Bliss x

---------------------------------------------------------

These last few months I have been reminded that this business of being fully present in my body needn't be so complicated.

Seriously? It needn't be that hard.

I don't need to go to India to do this, or find a guru, or eat raw, or hug a tree.

All totally okay cool by the way but it's just not neccesary - thas all I'm sayin'.

All I need do is take a moment to gently focus and breathe deep.

Shifting my focus from the outside world to the space within my body. A place of warmth, stillness and safety.

So what about you my darling's? Do you have any stories to tell? Or things you would like to invite and weave into your daily routine and practise?

What helps you tap into your body, your feet, your belly, your breath?
---------------------------------------------------------
This is a B-Lovely space.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Leila xxx
---------------------------------------------------------

Softening & opening - but in the right spaces!

2011-01-21T03:50:00.000-08:00

My blog is forever changing & that's good surrre but it's sometimes a little unsettling.

And I've not found the words to acknowledge this before now.

Turns out playful exploration comes naturally. Turns out it's a natural part of who we are.

But explaining myself totally doesn't. Eyuuu. Hard. I don't really like doing it - tongue tied, incoherent, messy.

Even though I know it's what good communication consists of and so explaining the inner machinations of my brain is probably quite an important thing to do here - with you!

Specifically it's a big thing for me to post my own photo's. This is the change I'm referring to.

It's huge in fact, scary and wonderful. Liberating? Oh yes totally. Yes sweetie. For surrrre.

And it is all these things because up until a month ago I'd never taken a single picture EVER. Since I'd never had a camera. So the not filming part was easy enough to achieve.

Yup it's scary for a friggin sensitive soul.

But honestly - it can be scary for anyone right? Allowing your intuition to take you places that you never imagined you would or could go.

But whatchya gonna do? Be any less you? Wait for permission or a lightning bolt of brilliance to hit you before you share anything of yourself in the world?

I know it's tempting isn't it? And actually as strategies go - that's totally fine too. Been there. Got the t-shirt. May need to return to that place again someday.

But for now, I'm in a space where it feels as if life is just too short to do anything less than be all of myself out loud.

Creativity doesn't require a PHD or any degree of expertness. Not really. Even though we think it does.

And you can be creative anywhere really - if you want to that is.

And for me at least it means maintaining an open and curious perspective - like that of a child, free from judgement, for now at least.

And to pour who I am into these moments.

Well okay that's my definition for today.
I wouldn't quote me on it.

______________________________________

need

try not to hide
from yourself
and the things
you need the most

to be seen

the simple stuff
will always serve you
in the end

as i am

it all starts here

just breathe

take one slow breath

in and out
and go from there
______________________________________

Boundaries-baby-digem

This is a B-lovely space
You knowww - be nice & focus on your own process xXx
So no advice, criticism as always taaa.
You are welcome to holler yee haaa though. That'd be cool.
And it goes without saying you totally don't need to comment either. Just being here is gorgeous enough!

Lotsa love

Leila xx

My body speaks if only I would learn to listen

2011-01-16T10:30:00.000-08:00

strange but awesome feet that support me

these are my feet

my feet are funny

they just are.

but still they are here
to be loved
just like anything else.

and i am learning what it is to be grounded again
and why that matters
quite as much as it does

but thank god
i am getting there.
-------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE TO SELF:
i am my feet, my nose, my lips, my bottom, my legs, my arms, my chin, my ribs, my cells. i am all my body parts. every inch is me.

slow down world. slow down Leila. slow down and feel your body says she releasing her shoulders after too long stint on the computer.

i'm not an expert. not especially. anyone can do this. we all got feet.
-------------------------------------------------------------

COMMENT ROO

This is a B-lovely space. You knowww - be nice & focus on your own process. xXx

I'd also love to hear about your own journey & reflections if you have them!

Like the small ways or daily practises that enable you to feel more comfortable in your body.

Irrespective or in spite of perceived flaws, shame and collective tendencies towards perfectionism!

Lotsa love darling's - thanks for stopping by!

Leila xx

Rememberin' those baby steps....

2011-01-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

my feet take one step at a time

How do you most like to create?

Do you like to create stories...

in your head

in the bath

through your hands

on the phone

or in conversation with your friends?

What tools or stategies do you employ so that

you experience creativity as free, freeing,

full of ease, love, light?

How can we develop as creative beings or artists, story tellers & healers if we do not feel safe and protected inside our core and in relationship to each other?

What structures might you put in place so that you are able to express yourself, expand, make mistakes and care less about those whose opinions, quite frankly, you don't really care for anyway?

How do you support your creative self so that you aren't diminished or undermined?

What works for you my love?

----------------------------------------------------------

Comment Zen

Play nice, be gorgeous!

You don't need to answer any of these questions. They make help you. They may not.

With thanks & gratitude to the crazy, bad assed women of the Goddess Circle who are a constant source of inspiration.

----------------------------------------------------------

Huuuge thanks for dropping bye darling's! Sending you all the hugest of new year hugs!

Leila xxx

But now I am a chocolate orange & Farewell 2010!

2010-12-31T09:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.childfreechic.com/archives/354

oh lovelies
i want to remind you
that you are loved
that you are beautiful
that you are enough
just as you are

i want to remind you
that you don’t need to be perfect
that you are holy

anyway
no matter what you do
or don’t do

spirit doesn’t care
or judge you
atheist hindu buddha christian
it matters not

and whatever you believe
or don’t believe
really the main point
is that it (whatever It is)
just wants
you to be You
expressing

your You-ness in the world

and here's the thing
here's the thing
we are all like children

inside

anyway - right?

open and curious

full of hope and possibilities
possibilities that leave one

feeling broken right open

with just how good things are
and can be

we have a a natural

in borne capacity
to learn

to grow

to play

to heal

isn't that amazing?
isn't that miraculous?
bizarre even?

so damn

Beautiful
it dazzles

and hurts the eyes
to think on it
to know or sense it
in your heart

this is as a statement of truth
that is almost too much to take

i want you to remember
when you can
that you are part of nature

if that helps

you are the trees
the rocks
the earth
the sun

all this is You

you are the stars
the moon
the ocean

you are your pain
and you are not your pain
you are seperate and alone
and you are undifferentiated
and all as one

and every cell contains
a possibility
of something new

there is so much power
and beauty in the world
i cannot find the words
to hold it all....
---------------------------------------------------------------
And finally I want to wish you the most scrumptious, fun filled, peaceful and creative 2011!

Womanly magical healing balm.

Click ze link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qX7ZsxD3Ik

Grow possibilities
Dig deep

(when you are ready)
Dream big
Have faith
Be kind to yourself no matter what.

You arrrre beautiful. You are enough.

Happy New Yearrrrrrr!

Leila xxxx
------------------------------------------------------
Commentzinggggg!
Celebrate with me.
Dance, breathe, doodle, lurk.
Bring food, magic, bubbles, silliness.
This is a Be-Gorgeous Space!

2010 it's nearly time & yet my heart is fit to burst!

2010-12-21T15:55:00.000-08:00

2010, 2010 here we go....

I wrote posts for the first time here at Peel Banana that even now make me cringe, sparkle, smile. I was brave, bolshy, loving, warm. I was myself out loud.

I lived up to my own definition of being an introverted extrovert - seeking meaningful connection with others but needing my own time, space to simply be, rest, make sense of things.

I wrote posts that sought to access a sense of comfort and meaning from the wild, joyous, mess that was my life.

I doodled, I explored, I made it up as I went along.

I DID angst as well of course. Hell yeah!

About whether I was too influenced by Havi or Leonie or anyone else that I loved.

About what to do next, how and when.

But in the end I got on with it anyway.

In part through repetition, the daily act of looking after me, my hope and trust muscles developed and strengthened.

Bit by bit soldiering on had become a useful habit.

And, more than that, it helped me to cajole the part of me that also sometimes, damn it, didn't think change was really possible.

Because the truth was that my world was changing and I was at the helm for once.

Words were helping me to define my ideal universe and this blog was, is an integral part of this journey - of imagining a future rich in possibilities.

This space soon became a refuge from the busyness that was my life outside of here.

By this I am referring simply to the early part of the year that was about looking for work, finding it and then later keeping my role as a receptionist in SW1.

And so I grew something of a haven, a sanctuary, my own sacred space.

And I hoped that people would join me for the ride. A small fish in a big internet pond with next to no marketing know how.

I built a space where a culture of love, self acceptance & the growth I had always craved was cultivated and emerging.

And I began to trust that my own journey, my voice, my half written stories, in whatever form they came, would bring others hope and comfort too.

I trusted that the personal could always hold meaning beyond the individual.

Blogging was more healing, cathartic and significant than I could ever, ever have imagined. (Thank you Havi!)

Even without a plan, a business plan, or anything beyond this space. These changes felt huge. They were huge.

Old expectations crumbled. My world turned upside down.

Creativity came together with a hotch potch of gorgeous self care practises and here we are today - in this thing together. Voila!

And so what about you my pumpkin pie's?

Tell me, if you want, what is goes on in your heart when you look back at 2010?

What qualities supported you and what would you like more of for 2011?

Oooo and I have heard that 2011 is gonna be amazing - a very wise woman told me this!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The Comment Step

It makes me happy as friggin Larry that you are here. Which also means do please comment if you want to but also it's totally cool banana's if you don't want to.

As always no advice, therapising, criticism, feedback to do with my own situation/s - taaaaa.

Oooo and please know that I have left out a trillion different sources of inspiration and support that helped me get my mojo back. Without them I might still be in a deep sleep waiting for my Prince. The angels referred to in this post are Havi Brooks of www.fluentself.com and the sublime and thoroughly funkylicious-unique Goddess Leonie of http://www.goddessguidebook.com/

Leila xxx

Transitions, bridges, dancing, goofology

2010-12-04T04:39:00.000-08:00

Without this space my ideas would not develop, they would not grow. They would probably die unheard, unexpressed and unrealised in ze world.

Without safety I could not be brave, bold, foolish. Without kindness and encouragement I would not know how to play, to explore, or how to journey back to my centre, my heart, my self. I would have no sense of all the possibilities alive inside of me.

It is okay to be afraid, vulnerable, sensitive. It is okay to be someone with a painful history, or someone who lived with a scary label once like bipolar, or depression, or hypersensitive.

Whatever the words are all these words have meaning and truth at different points in our lives - helping us, supporting us, reminding us that we need to slow down, or tune in to what we really need beneath the chaos, hurt, confusion.

But for now what is true is that I am safe, I am loved and I am growing. These are truths that hold me strong when I am shaky.

The other stuff, the labels, well it's taken time, but they too can fall away into the earth, back to the core where they belong damn it.

Leila is shedding skin. Slowly but surely emerging anew, refreshed.

I love you Leila. I love you Peel Banana. I love you guys for being here.

Bridget made me a cupcake the other day (you can get one here too - check out ze link pumpkin pies!)

http://bit.ly/drUL5G

These were a few of her words for me:

'When I look into your creativity chakra,
I see a warm place, a kitchen, a loving place. A place where growth is fostered '

Yes, yes, yes my love. Yes, yes yes!

This is my safe space here. My kitchen, my hearth, my place of growth and I am growing this thing, these feelings, this hope, these ideas, these dreams, this future inside of me, inside my heart and belly.

This is a space where we can all be whoever we really are and practise love - self love to begin with.

It may not always be easy but I do - I love my snarky self, my cheeky self, my smart self, my tough self, my soft self, my big hearted self, my scared self, my bold self, my communicative self, my performing self, my inarticulate self.

Love - it's a practise and I'm getting better at it.
-------------------------------------------------------
COMMENTOLOGYWOLGY
Be your gorgeous self!
Bt no advice, therapising please pumpkin pie's

xxxx

Teedlepompompom. Hope and the growing of it.

2010-11-15T13:11:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me about hope this week. As in - how can I get me some more of that?

So here's a small note for today!

LEILA'S SELF CARE PERMISSION SLIP

When you are in pain ask yourself - what do I need right now? What do I need most at this precise moment?

This also means - what qualities do I need, what quality does my heart crave most right now?

Another way of asking the same question that can be useful is to ask yourself what deeper needs lie beneath this pain.

I often find myself asking do I need comfort? Reassurance? Rest? Advice?

And I find it very nurturing to use these magical words 'Even though'.

So my ask may sometimes sound like this:

Even though this is hard right now, even though I am in pain, even though I don't know how I am going to get through this, what one thing can I give to myself to meet my deeper need right now?

So start small pumpkin pies. Take just one step at a time.

It won't deal with everything. Not if you are in a mountain of pain. I know that my sweet, I know.

Sometimes hard is just...hard for a time.

But it's a good place to start I promise you my darling's.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Love and self care = In part the free expression of one's deepest needs
+
The ongoing practise of meeting yourself with kindness

Wishing comfort, reassurance and sunny day's to your gorgeous heart's pumpkin pie's!

Leila xx

--------------------------------------------------------------
Awesomecommentrama
No therapy, advice, you know ze drilllll!
Thanks for being here pumpkin pie's.
Comments make me go weeeeee zinggggg but I adore you whether you comment or not!

Fear and hope. Self acceptance glitters and goes weeeee!

2010-10-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

will you still love me

even when i feel small

even if i fall apart?

-------------------------

will you still love me

even if i feel like dirt?

i am lost

and all alone?
-------------------------

and is there really, really enough?

enough love

in the world?

-------------------------

for all that we need?

for everyone?

for everyone that needs to heal?

---------------------------

a small thing

we all have fears
some of yours may sound like mine
some of yours may not.

most of us go through a period of hating our fears
or ourselves
for having them in the first place.

and i wanted to send you

all of us really

some
LOVE LOVE LOVE

for the hard
for the unknown
for the bravery of being on this journey

together

because we are
we totally are
in this thing together

---------------------------

magical comments wand

be kind to yourself pumpkin's
and each other
no advice etc unless specifically requested

Leila xxx

Life's not perfect.

2010-09-23T12:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so this is a bit off the bat. Even for me.

A picture of a torn piece of cardboard.

Uh huh??

A moment of mundanity.

That's all it is.

To be specific - it is a moment of mundanity from my life as a receptionist.

(When I am another version of myself. The bit that needs a regular wage right now no matter what.)

But today for whatever mad possessed reason I thought...

Fuck it - isn't this beautiful??

Swiftly followed by yes darling & I must share.

Leila orders 5 boxes of light bulbs

Be open to the unexpected and the seemingly banal.

Beauty lives in the shit and the hard too sweetpea.

Beauty lives in the mundane.

Ummm. Yup. That's it.

Short n sweet.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Ze comments bit.
If you comment I do a merry dance which involves wellies, jelly and a hula hoop.
If you don't comment I do a merry dance which involves wellies, jelly and a hula hoop.
Which means - do what you need sweetie.
Oh and it's totally okay if you don't 'get' this post too. I'm not explaining so much here today.

But as always. No advice darlings. No suggestions. None of that. Not here.

Love yoooo!

Leila xxx

Creating a home for our secrets

2010-09-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

Hello gorgeous pumpkins,

Do check out this wonderful post by Bridget:

http://bit.ly/6YcplQ

In her own words, she invites us to:

'leave the bitchiest, least relevant, ridiculous, lame, annoying, crankiest comment about anything that bothers you. '

She even provides us with a magical Bitching button - wa hoooooo!

Which inspired me to write this post because I find it difficult to communicate specific things about what I struggle with right now.

So here's a tentative nod and playful introduction to one aspect of my character - the side that needs to acknowledge when it's tough and just let it all hang out - without judgement or a need to fix!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hey pumpkin's,

Come meet my pissed off, acidic, exhausted side.

Can you shake hands, be friends or something??

Share a glass of vino perhaps?

Kick back and let it all out my dearest, sweetest friend.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Other sparkly nuggets gleaned...

I know that there's more to learn here and that I'm still a little in the dark.

This particular layer of resistance is really difficult to even put into words.

And that's okay too pumpkin's!
I'm getting better at noticing that some material needs more time to settle.

It's healthy to allow stuff to feel safe in my own body before I share it with anyone else.
It's also good to notice that one of my core values is clearly honesty and integrity.

I'd hate to be all fakerooney, especially in this space, because this space is so special.

Yayy to these values and more clarity around them!

Seriously i lurrrve this space!
I LOVE PEEL BANANA!
Kisses to you beauty!

Look at us here - we're creating safety and a little dose of fun and reflection right now aren't we pumpkin's?

A little messy imperfection - much loved and sometimes struggled with!

And ooo it's new and fresh just like a new borne baby.

Big mush mush note to self
I don't need to be 'authentic' about everything all of the time, it really is okay to hide, it's okay to need to feel safe in my skin before I share anything. In fact it's really pretty damn important.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, yes sweet things, here is my Bridget inspired imaginary container.

i am going to whisper all my fears, frustrations and outrage into it,

i am going to whisper all the things that i cannot say out loud just yet,

or even clearly put into words,

i am going to whisper or make sounds,

and give expression to all my unreasonable thoughts and feelings.

My huge stash of things that don't sound compassionate or wise. xx

Would you like to join me poppet's?
--------------------------------------------------------------

Yes sweetie, it's okay to feel cranky, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to rage.
Love you scrumptious,
Leila xx

--------------------------------------------------------------

COMMENTS YAYA

As always no advice, therapising or shoulds.

You are welcome to create your own magical containers and share them for your secrets!

Or add any insights you have learned about those parts of you that are harder to accept with kindness.

As always I friggin love that you are here!

Kisshugspowerjumps

Leila

Feel bad - express yo'self

2010-08-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

Part Two - make room to express your hidden parts in a place where you feel safe.

You could consider writing a letter to yourself as if you were writing to another person.

You could look to understand what this part of your really, really needs and values most.

And you could do this knowing that it's still okay to be curious about a part of you that pisses you off, scares you, you just don't get yet.

But if at all possible, open up a little, just the teensiest window of curiosity and see what comes up.

Maybe even play with the idea of writing as if you were this estranged or hidden, shameful aspect of yourself.

Which means that you get to inhabit Doom or Stuck or Anxiety or Little Miss-Disaster and see things from their perspective.

(This is one of my favorite past time's at the moment - fun, cathartic & insights will unfold sweetie!)

I NEED A LOT OF LOVE (Leila Lloyd-Evelyn)

Or you could simply scribble what you really, really need just like I've done here!

You could take this as another opportunity to embrace the fucking brilliant messiness that is You right now and not wait til it's the most beautiful piece of art.

Do not wait until you are perfect to express who you are or how you feel or what you need. (*Or ummm you can totally, totally wait til you're ready of course - but somehow I just needed to say that!)

Yes write something, sweet cherry, which feels unspeakable somehow but you just know needs to be said out loud.

You sense that somewhere, someone needs you to be honest about this stuff.

Your words, drawing, art, doodles, scribbles, may express needs which seem unreasonable and embarrassing (most probably to yourself as much as anyone else).

But they are full of the truth of how you really feel. Oh yes Mama!

Yes, scribble onto a piece of paper. See how that feels sweetie.

If this makes you feel full of delight then leave your note somewhere for others to find. This is so juicy and exciting because it helps both you and others to feel more connected to their needs and so we know we are not alone sweetpea. We are not alone in our neediness.

-----------------------------------------------------------

You could write something dramatic and carefree and loud. Give yourself permission to exaggerate some aspect of yourself.

Create a whole scene, a short story, three words, a song.

You might choose to display it or perform it or record it so that other people get to feel connected to their sad parts or vulnerable, squishy, ashamed parts.

Or you might want to write it entirely for yourself. That is totally allowed too pumpkin's.

Whatever you need or want to do will be purrrrfect!

------------------------------------------------------------
Here's one of mine. Like all of my posts - these posts serve as reminders to myself too.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Can you love me when I'm small and broken?

Even then, especially then, I need to feel you here inside my heart.

I need to feel you care my sweet.

--------------------------------------------------------------
COMMENTS YAYA

As always no advice, therapising or shoulds purleeeese.

And you totally don't have to comment either. I'm not being flippant when I say I love that you are here.

If you don't comment - I love you too woo. Promise!!!

Oh and yes I'd love to hear what works for you and to discover what simple and imaginative tools you may already use to help you when you're feeling overwhelmed!

Kisshugs

Leila

Feel Bad. Find Meaning.

2010-08-13T03:56:00.000-07:00

Part One - Acknowledge the feeling - define the deeper need

------------------------------------------------------------
*I'm sharing this not because I want advice sweetie's, but because I think, or rather hope, that it may be of use to share a little of my ongoing process. Although, yup, it is possible that what works for me may well work for just me!
-------------------------------------------------------------
I get words wrong a lot. A bit like George Bush I've been told. Remember him of the many verbal mistakes?? Yup that'll be me then but with an absence of Republican tendencies.

And trust me when I say that as someone who craves communication and connection it's bloody challenging to accept that this may be an integral part of who I am and to embrace it as such.

Don't wanna, don't wanna, can't, don't know how.

So something in the brain fails. Or rather it feels like failure at the time. The brain seeks out the right word and then, damn it, finds another one, as in the wrong one. Bastard. Shit. Crap. Egg on my face.

This is one of the small, ongoing effects of trauma. When stressed or anxious we hide out in the not-knowing space that sits in the brain. Somewhere in between the right words and all the other ones - that's where we hang out.

The brain appears to slow down and we freeze. Often we language ourself and our response as Stupid, Slow, Ditzy.

On the outside this state of freeze may manifest in a number of ways. Here's a few examples based upon my own experience:

You may sometimes feel you cannot hear or understand people when they talk - even though your hearing is perfect.

You may stumble, stutter and struggle to find the right words to express how you feel.

You often feel as if you can't think straight when under pressure.

In both scenarios there is usually something about the person or situation which reminds you of a specific traumatic event.

It may be something as seemingly small as the tone of voice, gesture or facial expression that evokes uncomfortable feelings associated with the original trauma.

Chaotic, hectic and sudden activity may cause you to become still, quiet, no longer able to fully or directly engage with people or your surroundings.
------------------------------------------------------------
*When I worked with children who were dealing with exceptionally difficult emotional circumstances, I noticed that certain behavior, such as rage, would usually trigger me to freeze in this way.
------------------------------------------------------------
Okay pussycat, what's so good about this then? What's the hidden secret and purpose of freezing and arresting my flow?

Slowing everything down allows us to find a space inside where nothing terrible can ever happen and we are able to pause and find our feet again.

We reorientate ourselves to our surroundings and make a swift choice about what best to do next.

For some of us, survival in the past, may well have felt as if it depended upon our capacity to make the right decision within a nano second. When we freeze this is the moment just before that decision is made.

Should we plead injustice, or take the verbal or physical blow and stiffen our body to its impact in attempt at protection?

Or perhaps we sense it is better to defend our self through words by pleading, charm, apology, reasoning, or by remaining silent and taking whatever is delivered to us?

Many of us become skilled at assessing the situation based on the subtleties of mood, tone, body language.

Some may feel as if a sixth sense or intuition kicks in so that we are able to read people, atmosphere and changes in mood with alarming speed and accuracy.

This is after all how we have learned to survive.

If there is repeated trauma this anxiety, fear and the moment where we freeze becomes as natural and instinctive as breathing is to us all. That is to say - we do it without thought and conscious intention.

And yes, yes it is certainly true that there is safety in this space - in spite of the fact we often don't feel grateful for it.

Perhaps it might be a useful experiement to consider acknowledging that our body, this amazing body of ours seeks to keep us safe, no matter what, through thick and thin and at all times. Our amazing body doing its thang.

(Although honestly you totally don't have to feel all happy-clappy and accepting about it either. Being in Freeze most definitley sucks. Don't be nice baby - just be real & let's go from there!)

And so okay, I love you body. I love your magical protective powers. I love your good intentions and attention.

And, even though it has been hard sometimes and I often feel ashamed and frustrated, even though I have wanted more ease and light. In spite of all these feelings, I love that you have always had my back and always will do.

Thank you sweetie. Thank you.

--------------------------------------------------------
COMMENTS=YAYYY WAA HOOOO!

I'm not sure if this post will make sense, or be helpful, or not. I can only pray & hope!

And have I said that it totally rocks my world when you comment? Hence the 'Yayyyy Waa Hooo!'

But as always no advice, therapising or shoulds purleeeese.

And you totally don't have to comment. This isn't a Have-To, Should kinda place.

Totally cool if you read. Or just wave, say hi, or come onnnn you can throw me some jazz hands & love dahhhling. That will do just fine too.

Kiss kiss

Leila

Noticing the moment & pockets of inspiration

2010-07-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

Hi darling's,

I've been off the radar for a while and I ache for the space to be creative again. I have a new full time job which is great yayyy but it also means needing to slow down with all my creative endeavours and that does not sit well with me right now. Big sulky sigh.

Also starting to realise that there has been an absence of realistic planning in all the stages involved in creating some juicy products. BIG LEARNING!

I need to remember to factor in life stuff (ie money and work:having it/not having it).

I also need to remind myself that I need lots of time to learn new skills or/and hire some help in order to make things happen.

I am totally up for more practise of being in the Here and Now. I can’t do everything no matter how huge my dreams. (Darling’s I have a lot of dreams - so don’t get me started!)

Remembering that is always possible to meet my emotional needs as they arise from moment to moment.

This is the smartest, kindest thing I can do for myself.

Practising this will enable the path ahead to become even more clear, fruity, abundant. Ohhhh yes!

This new insight needs time to percolate and sink into my daily life and routine.

So in the meantime whilst I figure out more life stuff and continue to grumble away here's an little offering of a more positive and resourceful kind!

A FEW PEOPLE I ADORE

1. This is my gorgeous talented actress and comedienne friend Fiona. A short film about courage. (This spot won the Silver Firefly at Cannes in 2010.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LLyZzY30ug&feature=autofb

2. Mark Silver - Heart of Business. A fascinating and inspired approach to building your business for people who want to grow their business but with insight and emotional savviness.

http://www.heartofbusiness.com/the-core/

3. The most buoyant, fun and coolest of dudes that is Fabeku. A lover of punk, chocolate, drumming and all things compassionate. He create the safest of spaces and does his healing thing - nothing woo woo about him in spite of how this must sound. He's a heart full package of gorgeousness!

http://www.sankofasong.com/

4. Larisa Koen. Seriously talented and heart smart practitioner and all round awesome woman. (One day I hope to interview her for you all here - she's so wonderful!) Why should you care?? Well she has some amazing tools in her magical bag - easy to use energy work which gently helps heal old emotional wounds and make you feel a little more in love with your beautiful self. She seriously rawkssss. If you feel overwhelmed? Click here!

http://www.larisakoehn.com/
-----------------------------------------------------

Okay poppets - what's rocking your world right now?

What cheers you up when you are down?

What new insight have you gleaned about yourself this week?

Want to share a little inspiration with me?

Sending you all my love!

Leila xxx

Psssst
As always this is a B-Lovely Space.
Which means we help create safety here
so no advice, shoulds, therapising.
I totally love it when you comment.
But please know that it's totally gorgeous when
you don't as well. Either way hugest of thanks
for being here. Mwuah!

How authentic is your voice? What character traits & passion do you squash, sit on & crush?

2010-06-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

AM I VAIN? AM I VAIN? AM I VAIN?
Do I need, need, need a lot of attention?
Do I love to be silly, seen, appreciated?

Yes Ma'am I do be do de do.

And that's alright.
That's ok.

No shame in asking for what we really need is there?
No shame in being ourselves is there now?
Shine little star - shine!!!

There's a monster looook!

What can I say I'm a comedian...

Be ready with a friggin pout at all times.
Don't brush your hair either.
It implies too much effort.
Oh yes of course be effortless at all times.
No matter what.

Dooo brush your teeth though and other nice
things - obviously. There's having fun and
being free and then there's being a bit toooo
smelly isn't there dahling?

It's a very delicate balance.
So tread very carefully.

I don't even want to talk about body hair.
OK? Were you thinking it and not mentioning it?

How polite. I dig that. Thank you.
You're obviously my kind of person.

That said - can I just mention that I have friends
who are very, very spiritual.

You know I mean they do reiki, yoga, eat only soya
but seriously they still wax, wax,waxxxxx....

And they are so above getting annoyed with
sensitive people like me (nawwwwt).

Not to labour this point too much
But has Sex and the City taught us nothing?
The 70's bush is sooo over baby.
Really it is.

That's what Samantha would say
and she would say it with such style.

Ohhhh and I love her, I love her,
I love her sooooo!

She is so liberated and free and so very
post feminist.
(I know this cos that's what
they say on the telly. Duhhh??!)

Oh and do be do be do...
Take life very very seriously.
Even this blog.
In fact especially this blog.

Think thoughts like this often:-
How dare she?
How dare they?
Who do they think they are?!
Bark or mutter underneath your breath.
at least two or three times a day.

Oh crap - am I losing my potential
new audience? Crapppppp!!
In fact. Crap crap bollocks.

Note to self.
please put away sarcasm and fire.
If you can’t take it - you can’t dole it out
sweet pea.
So. Must only be love, light and compassion.
it helps with marketing too so they say.

Be one thing and stick to it forever
'til you die.

Who am I serving if I turn up and
I am just myself?

Oh and you are so right sweetie.
Being serious, professional, perfect, bland, glossy will
definitely get you places. It will get you where you are
sweetie and where you really want to be.

Best to pretend to be a Yoga Queen, all love, light,
compassion at all times, pretend to be without needs,
pretend to have no insecurities, pretend to be tough,
hide, conceal all your layers, all your complexity,
all that you can, all that you are and can be.

Pretend Dorothy pretend. you sweet little thing.
There, there.

Whats in your box?
What are you hiding?
Are you too much?
Or is it just me??

Is it ok to be a teensy weensy bit
obnoxious and still want to be adored?

Is it ok to have lots to share but still be a
gorgeous messy little ball of growth, mistakes,
long strides and deep learning?

What do you think pumpkins?
Are you too hot to handle?
Can you speak your truth?

Hugs, kisses, goofiness,

Leila xxx

Pssst
COMMENT ZEN
Sharing of: Loveliness, silliness, love, compassion,
anything like that? Lovely! Speaking back to your
inner critic if it sounds anything like mine above and
helping it to go va-moosh - yes purleeese!
Anything else - no thanks pumpkins - shoulds,
therapising, that kinda thing? No ta!

Developing trust - in small bited sized portions

2010-05-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Me, Dear You,

Trust - self trust it takes a while to develop. It's a
practise. I know this concept isn't new. But still it's
true, a bit like a muscle, it needs time, patience and
a little attention. I think it's a message worth repeating
and so I am.

Not having trust in yourself, in your abilities, your heart,
your future, doesn't mean it isn't possible to experience
more trust eventually. It just means you're in a moment
of doubt and confusion right now. However small or
huge it may feel or indeed be.

What it doesn't mean... is that you're immeasurably
fucked up, tainted forever by trauma or some deep,
deep slight to your very Soul Person, some notion of
permanent damage that you can never get over.
A victim forever? No hun. No, no, no. It needn't be
that way. It needn't be.

Your pain, our pain it's real. In need of attention and a
nurturing response. Crying out like a baby to be
acknowledged and given more room. And how we do
this - well that processy stuff is particular to who we are
and where we're at.

Still it has taken me years to believe that I could thrive
and to believe this in my heart of heart;'s. And I can't lie
I dip in and out of these feelings during the course of the
day sometimes. But as far as I'm concerned? That's
normal and that's okay. Self doubt doesn't stop me
believing that I can and will tune into self trust again.

I no longer believe that bad stuff can hold us back forever.
God no. Not if you work on your stuff - not if you
learn how to become familiar with those tangled up
knots and give yourself all the attention and support
that you need to do just that.

In fact take a peek at my very first post here
http://bit.ly/bYHZyc
Not written all that long ago, but even so, my hope
and self trust muscle was not nearly as strong as it is
now. Seeeee? Progress. Take baby steps -will develop.

So wherever you are at with this self trust thing be
kind to yourself. Give yourself as much kindness as
you can tolerate right now. However teensy weensy
or large that may be - that's good enough, it's a perfect
place to start.

Trust sweetpea trust. Trust and hope. We can build it,
we can spread and we can share it. But all in good time.

Be generous with your self & if you are able notice
and celebrate the progress that you make as you make it.

Leila xxx
PSSSSST!
Comment practise...No therapising, advice, should's.
This is a chance for you to reflect upon your own stuff
sweetie pie's. Share what resonates with you if you feel to!
If you're happy to read and leave no comments - then believe
me that's totally gorgeous, fine and dandy too!

WHAT QUALITIES MAKE YOU GO ZINGGGG & OOO LA LAA?

2010-05-19T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's soooo good that you're here with me - howdedoodi all.
Check out my Manifesto of Yumminess - d'ya lookie likee?

So, if you could allow yourself to dream big - what would your
perfect life be? No seriously - your purrrrfect life - if you could
imagine it here and now what would it be like? What would your day
consist of? What pleasures would unfold?

Allowing ourselves the space to dream is one of the best ways to
identify what our soul really craves. That is to say not the version that
our childhood, our schools, our partner's, our Inner Perfectionist
Freak demands of us. The part of us that knows there is more to life
than drudgery and following the crowds.

So yes my sweetie's, if the world was your oyster, or your kingdom...
What rules would you make up? What qualities would be most
present in your life? What qualities are already present in your life
that make your heart singgggg? If you could write your own
Manifesto Of You and Your World - what would it sayyyy? What
issues would it declare and what would the rules of engagement be
my darlings?

Let's playyyy! Be as ridiculous and inspired as you can be and happy
dreaming!

Ooo and for more inspirational madness and nuggets of wisdom
check out these guys - the original online advocates for making your
world what you want it to be. Just click the link below sweetie's!

http://freakrevolution.com/manifesto/

Leila xxxx
Psssst
Boundaries sweetie...
This is a space for you to consider reflecting compassionately with
your own process rather than criticiqueing criticising mine or anyone
else's. To reiterate this means as always, no should's, therapising,
advice!

Live your ideal life of fun right now! Play, doodle, creative sweets for all!

2010-05-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

Ooo I'm getting excited. Yes I ammmm!

I'm in the process, at the age of 36 (soon to be 37) of finding out what my thing is. Yeah - life can be a little bit like that right?

Just to be clear. My definition of thing-ness:
Work that I love
Work that helps people
Work that HUGS my strengths and EMBRACES my weaknesses
Work with a sense of play, depth
Work which engenders meaningful connections with others!

Other related THING stuff. The counter argument:
My soon-to-borne yumminess thing should hopefully discount all those people who say
(or infer) that: We should all just settle, life's about suffering and endurance, oh and making do, you ask for too much, you'll be disappointed, so best to put away your dreams, childhood crap means relentless repetative suffering - there's no place for your neediness in the world, you got to do things alone and unappreciated.(crap to that. Also perhaps worth noting that some of these voices are other people's and some of them are my little inner critic's contribution letting rip on a bad day!)

MY CURRENT INSPIRATIONAL YUMMINESS

I am dreaming up several projects. Yay to ideas and putting into place
the small stepping stones to getting things done.

MY YUMMINESS THING INCLUDES

A workbook/s (ooo exciting)about pretty big stuff - like how to identify our deeper needs below the surface of what we do, think, feel. But this one will be playful and fun. I can't wait to finish it!

I am also dreaming up fun workshops for creatives or for people who yearn for
a safe space to reconnect with creativity, irrespective of whether or not they possess any arty farty skills. When I'm not working (ie doing paid office work,
not this - my work/play thing)this is what I spend my every moment researching and designing!

What I hope is that I will one day be able to create a grown up play den full of lots of lovely people. I want it to be a space which is full of boingy trampolines of the imagination, gorgeous magical bubbles, hula hoops, costumes, duvets, pillows, safety and lots and lots of fun! (Ok so it may not have all these things, but it has a sense of these things - play, play, play sweetie, play!)

A place where people can gently step back into their creative selves and
(if they should choose to) also re-examine their relationship with areas of stuckness.

HOLD ON HEY - STUCK WHAT STUCK SWEETIE?

oOO you know the kind. Like those times when why we don't feel we have achieved what we want to achieve in spite of our talent. Or discomfort around marketing ourselves.
Or the biggee's like low self esteem, anxiety, self doubt, fear of change, of expressing oneself, fear of being ourselves. Really whatever issue people bring to the table and feel comfortable interacting with, is ok really. As long as people do all that they can to help create feelings of support and safety for themselves and venture into things gently.

(I was bowled over when I discovered I can create things like the postcard above online. It makes me smile and feel happy just looking at it. An example of a very simple tool which creates whooshy happy feelings!

Ok that's all folks!

TODAY'S COMMENT WALL SURROUNDING MY GLORIOUS LITTLE KINGDOM INCLUDE
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Any offerings of silliness, goofiness, loveliness are welcome. Hell yeah!
Anything about your own process with you finding-your-thing, or reconnecting with your sense of joy and playfulness is welcome too!
Are you more relaxed reading and not commenting? That's totally cool too. Truth is, I love that you're here whatever you do!
But as always no shoulds, criticism, nor therapising.

HUGSSS

Leila

I LOve to FEeL HEArd DON'T YOu?

2010-05-11T03:12:00.000-07:00

photo © Adrian van Leen
for openphoto.net CC:PublicDomain

I Like to FEEL
understood
But Don't we all?

PLeaSe

Don’t
MISTaKe
IDIoMS oF SpEEch

oR
Fear
oF BE-ING
whiCH SOMeTIMeS
SOuNDs LIKe ThiS

umMM uMMM
InnIT?
yEAh BUt yeah bUT Yeah

With
PLaiN
STupiDiTY

HoW I
STRUggle
With ThaT kinD of
IGnoRanCe

WraPPeD up
so NIce
WiTh POsh
SwaGGEr
tONe

RaAA
GO I

RA RA RaAAAaa

SMaSHhinG
thRough
the AIr
wiTh
STRongest
FeeLing
anD INTeNT

NONveRbAl
WIth rAGE

BuT
Did you KNOw
in cubby holes
of Darkened PlAces

my FrIEnD

where
MuMBling, aWKWarD
AShameD
and
wRONG
HanG OuT

Where
SOundS
are
ClOSed
and QuieT

and
UNimpressive

where PEOPLE don'T YeT
KNoW

tHAT THey caN

OPEN their SweeT
MOUTH
AND LUngS
BReaTh DeepeneD
COre belLY Deep

tO TAKE uPp SPace
ANd Be

Like
you
DO

Like
You Were
TAugHT

THERe's More?
MoRe?
Do YOu SeE?

So MUch beauTy
I CouLd WeEp
that We CouLD
MiSS iT

And Yet
You BUlly
YOu BullY
Don'T yOu?

ThAT's WHaT you DO

What's THAT ABouT?
ThAt CaN't Be RIghT?

ENSLaveD to
whaT WaS TAught
anD CAn be meaSURED

SOME kind
of ENGLIShness
RULeR
OF prOper-nesS
and KNOWING of thY
HUMble PLACe

of WAyS TO DO
AnD bE

the
UNWorthY
MaNY
HeLd to RANSoM

BEcauSE YoU
CaNNOT SEe
WHat'S RIghT
UNdeR YOur NOSe

if ONLY
YOou WOulD LOok

Well
DeeP BENEath
BELOw
WiThIN

LiveS
DEPTH
A big OlD
HEarT
WIsDoM

SMarTS
You
ainT
YeT Got

YOu FOOL
YOu AInt
FooLeD mE

MiSSed

BLInded bY
Sad
SAd SnobbEry
anD SnIpe SNIPe snipING

aNd
UGHhh
MaYBe
ThaT'S JuST

MAybe tHat's JUst
FeAR

IS THat It?

GOD

olD AS the DAy is LoNG

FEaR

Which MUst be
HARD
toUGh

FOr You
My SWeeT

To FeEl
To NoTice
CaN YOu?

Where will
YOu Be?
BEcome?

If overRun with
LaNGuaGe DEMoNS
Who WoN'T AbiDe thE
BlooDY
RuLES
Like mE?

WIll You
be LoSt
aNd SMaLL
INViSiBle?

EXTINCT
LOSt
And conFUSED?

MAybe

MaYBe
I'll
OPeN my MouTh

OpeN IT WIDE

ANd woRdS
WIll CAscade
DoWN
AnD OuT
LIke BrokEn GlAss

We'LL
CollUDE
CollIDE

THe UNDesiRableS

AnD SWallow
YOu
WHOle

Crunch, CRUnch, CruNCH
lITTle BeaStY FRienD

Yum Yum Yum
In mY TUM

BuT
InSTeaD

MuttEr You
LouDer and
LoUDER Still

EaRS BleeDing

How DARe
HOW DaRE
the LITTle peoPLE
bend their WORDS

so WiLlY NIlly

or
FUCK it UP
NoT give a DaMn

THEn whaT?
THeN WHaT?
WhAT wILL BEcoMe?

The WORld wILL implodE
Dead dead DEad
all thAT'S GOOD
All will BE GoNE

Gone GoNR
No MoRe
No MoRE
eNGLAND'S grEEN
and PLEasaNT LAnD

HoW DAre THeY

HoW DARe THEY
TAke Up ROOM
HOw dare tHEY
BReathe My AIR

How Dare THey
OWN whaT
WaSn't GIVen
TheM
or AlLoweD

*Look BACK IN ANger?
Osborne?
lONG LIVe the QueeN

the QUEEN IS DEad

THE qUEEN IS DEAd
The QuEen iS DeAD
nO MORE

WITh all ThaT
IMPerfectioN

Quiet
RAge

NOOSe
TIGHteneD
anD ReADY

GOd
dEAr SWEET
DiVINe

WIth All ThAT
FEaR
and ChoKE choke ChOke

I THank you
I BleSs YOu
I KISs youR
ToES

YOur BELly
WiDE And SoFT
aND SmoOth

THat thingS THEY
CHange
THEy grow
No MATTER
What

NO MAttEr WHAt
SMall VOiceS DEEM to SaY
anD dO

I THank YOu

THAnK YOu

THe ForCe to CreATE
tO EXpress
Is GrEater
thaN All THat

FEaR

and
MISDireCTeD
LoVE

NEed to BE SAfe

I hUG yOuR SCareDY
Judging bITS
my SnoBBY
SnoBbY FRIEND

I HOLD you TiGHt

We'RE NOT ThAT DIffeREnT

Innit iNNIt
Yer GET Me?

dO YOU GeT ME?

I hug, I hug
I HUG MIne tOO

MY INNer JUDGe
i LOVE YoU ToO

xxx

*Look Back in Anger written by John Osborne, English playright
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Look_Back_in_Anger
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOUNDARIES HERE
I love that you're here. Woo woooo! Do feel free to press the follow button if you feel comfortable doing so. Or just read. Observation is perfect too. Alllll good!

Either way this is a space for you to consider reflecting compassionately with your own process.

So...
what gets in the way of your trying something new?
What makes you choke back your wisdom?
How perfect do you need to be before you can play and allow yourself to learn,
grow, fall on your rear?

Do get involved and share what's relevant for you and your own process here below.

But as always, no should's, therapising, advice. (Unless it's to point me to
some ruddy marvelous, easy to apply IT tool!)

Thank you guys!

Playful imps are welcome as are Imperfectionist Imps like meeee!

Leila xxx

A brief interlude today

2010-04-11T03:13:00.000-07:00

Apologies. The last post has been temporarily taken down whilst I try and source the photo's used or find some new one's!

Leila x

Stepping back into my creative self. Showing up even when it aint perfect. A sketchbook of developing ideas. Life.

2010-04-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

photo © Sarah Klockars-Clauser for openphoto.net CC:PublicDomain
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This post, this blog is like my laboratory. So it's not perfect.
The writing, the layout. It's not right yet. Sighhhhh.

But since I am all about getting on with life and learning to live with our imperfections with compassion here it is anyway!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like it

I do

Like it

Sometimes

Yeah

Love it

When

Some of them

I've noticed

Are

my

kind

My

Kind

Of

People

Yes

They

don’t

screw up

their

nose

their

face

sucking

on

lemon

There

eyes

glazed

over

Drift

away

to

somewhere

else

Over

come

with

Worry

more

pressing things

like

Survival

panic

stricken

every

time

I

get

excited

too

loud

Aren't

you?

Too

passionate

Am

I?

Too

Sensitive

Too

much

Too

damn

much

Little

Missy

Little

Missy

Know

Your

Place

Hissing

"Snake

in

the

grass"

He

did

"Repeat

after

me

I

am

a

Snake

in

the

grass"

he

said

and

I

did

Only

ten

barely

or

maybe

eight

Quite

frankly

I

forget

don't

know

and

Who

cares

anyway?

people

didn't

care

then

so

why

would

they

care

now?

We

don't like

grown up

Babies

Do

we?

or

then

again

was

I

Hold on

was

I

Was

I

Thirty

friggin

seven?

Shit

I'm

excavating

See?

The

crap

that

don't

belong

to

me

Listen

Speak

sparkle

Fire

dance

play

Please

connect

Belly

Breathe

Touch

Be

Touched

God

please

My

My

Beloved

I

Am

Grateful

Do

You

Notice

I

am

grateful

now?

the

thing is

The

Thing

Is

I'm

goofy

Yes

Ok

Goofy

But

Also

Wise

Wiser

than

many

anyway

deep

reflective

But

Inarticulate

denied

Speechless

mumbling

Choking

coy

as

a

girl

can

be

I

apologise

all

the

time

about

everything

I get it

Wrong

More often

than not

And

let

people

know

about it

in

case

a

chance

to

get

a

lashing

is

forgot

Best

to

get

their

first

I always

say

Beautiful

ugly

little

Wreck

Yes

Brilliant

and

often

Superbly

flawed

Aint

I?

Yes

Yes

Yes

nothing

stopping

me

Nothing

stopping

me

now

that is

not

even

Not

even

You

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BOUNDARIES HERE
I love that you're here. Yayyyy!

Do feel free to press the follow button if you feel comfortable doing so.

Or just read - that's great too!

Either way this is a space for you to consider reflecting compassionately with your own process. So feel free to share what's relevant for you here below.

As always, no should's, therapising, advice.

Thank you guys! Lovely to see some new faces - wonderful!!!

Leila xx

Stuck? Anxious? Frustrated? Are you tired of constantly striving to achieve more?

2010-03-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Today I am ...

A creator.

A communicator.

A connector of people.

An ideas generator.

An explorer.

A lover.

A friend.

A daughter.

I am light, depth, fire, earth, air.

I am hope, confusion, clarity, heart, passion.

Woman, little girl, all rolled into one body.

For today at least - I reassure myself that I am whole as I am. As are you.

And in spite of the doubts here I am doing something of my thing and for this I should be proud.

Look - hey. This is Me doing my thing!

I did not do this a year ago.

I did not dare to even contemplate such a thing.

So yes here I am doing some thing. Something that I love to do. Why do I forget this fact? Why deny it?

Yes, better perhaps to celebrate or acknowledge the here and now, if we can. Although it's hard. Sometimes it's hard, hard, hard.

Let's not wait for the distant future to greet us, where I, where we, fantasise a life cocooned in warmth, peace, fulfilment and even wealth.

An unlikely promise. A false hope.

That these gifts will arrive and we will become all shiny, new, unshakable and
on top of the world - forever.

There are always more layers of stuff - wherever we are positioned.

We do not need fixing. The answers aren't out there. We are not broken.

So, who are you today, right now - deep inside?

Can you allow yourself to notice what you already do with love in your heart?

This moment is as important and invaluable as the next one.

So best to cherish it - if we can, whilst we can, together.

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Photo by Sarah Klockars-Clauser, Iris petal veins.
http://openphoto.net/gallery/image.html?image_id=22476

THE BOUNDARIES THING

If this post resonates with you - you are welcome to share a little about your own experiences. Equally you totally don't have to comment. Whatever works for you - works for me!

This is my laboratory, an experiment. Which means mistakes will be made.
Yay to growth. We're all entitled to that - in theory at least.

So far so good? So...no advice, nor should's, nor 'have you tried this?'

Do feel free to press the follow button - but again if you don't that's ok too!

Bye for now!

Leila x

How can we better support ourself as we journey to find our buried treasure?

2010-03-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

Friends, support, community, inspiration!

This is an exercise which my wonderful, free spirited friend designed/thought up on the spot over coffee today. Therefore all credit should go to her - superb ! www.kerry-fleur.com

These are some of the words and descriptions that arose as we explored the nature of our connections with people & the role that they play in supporting our vision, our desires, our goals. This is an exercise to be done with a pinch of salt, a sense of the surreal and a twinkle in your eye my little cherub’s! Sure it's fun, it's silly, but it may hold some meaning for you in clarifying what you need to feel supported and where you are at right now in terms of support and community!

Oooo some people are like....

Bridges

They have a firm, supportive structure which helps us travel from over here to over there to our desired destination. As a result the journey across feels less terrifying and huge.

Whilst others are more like...

Sunflowers

Happy, supportive and encouraging no matter what. They believe in you and are enthusiasts and fans of you just being you - unconditional love and regard. A sense that everything will be alright no matter what difficult arises.

And even though it can be tricky, there are those who remind us of other difficult stuff and they are more like...

Patterns

Yep. Our patterns. Like all the types of friends described here, those friends who are like patterns reflect something of our self that make us feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps these friends remind us of our identity from the past, our stuckness, limiting beliefs, our fears - stuff that gets triggered and comes up almost automatically without thought and presents itself as the only undeniable truth and statement of fact.

So these types of friends have huge potential to remind us of what we struggle to accept and integrate into our person with greater compassion, insight and forgiveness. Chances are if they irritate us, or wind us up then that's a pattern there, a possible unresolved or uncleared stuck that you are not yet done processing.

So yep, we often like to run away from our patterns don't we - but they turn up anyway, wherever we go! These things take time and practise though. Sighhhh and hugs for all of us trying to discern what's real from what's 'stuff' stuck on a loop.

But please God don't forget your...

Teddy Bear

Ohhhh! This is one of my favorite's! Sounds totally goofy and childlike but I think it's a brilliant idea and it works for me.

Warm, reassuring, cuddly and with a friendship which may stretch as far back as our early years. Or there is some quality about them which reminds us of those friends we had when we were children - in other words we feel safe and totally at our ease when we are around them.

Brilliant at comforting us when we are down - they speak kindly to our inner child, with all its fears and worries, without fear of judgement or punishment.

Teddy Bear also knows that touch and the senses is as important, if not more so, than words and thoughts.

Teddy bear’s may look cute and childlike but they still have depth and purpose. They are vital for our health and sense of well being. They get or somehow instinctively know that the physical body needs to be held and soothed before the brain is able to calm down and we can return to the world and get stuff done.

So...value your inner teddy bear! Give it some love and cuddles and throw a tea party in its honour if you pleeeese!

Other words which bubbled up included: Mary Magdalena, stars, detectives, explorers, light, rivers, streams, scientists, chocolate, sugar, coco cola bottles, teachers, milk n cookies, headmasters, mountains, rocks, imps, magical monkey’s, wizards, moons, soldier, warriors, space shuttles, apples, garlic, vinegar, chili, cream, brown rice, lemonade, lion, cub, police officer, tree.

So ok - over to you pumpkin’s! Wanna play?

Which of these qualities or type of friend resonate most clearly with you?

Which metaphorical type of friend, of your own making, do you need right now to help you move towards your goal?

What qualities do you need in a friend, in your support network, in yourself, to help sustain your energy, your inspiration and help to keep you on track with your journey towards finding your inner treasure? I'd love to know!
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PHOTOGRAPHER OH SO AWESOME

Photo by Sarah Klockars-Clauser, Buttons.
http://openphoto.net/gallery/image.html?image_id=22384

SO EVERYTHING STAYS COOL - THE BOUNDARIES THING

If you're new - hiiii - welcome!

If this post resonates with you cool, you can leave a comment about your own experiences or don't - either way it's so lovely to have you here with me!

This is my laboratory, an experiment in the making.

This means mistakes will be made, yayyy, to growing.

Stuff still needs doing and yes, lessons will no doubt be learned.

So far so good? So...no advice, nor should's, nor 'have you tried this?'

Do feel free to press the follow button that would be grande - but again if you don't - that's ok too! I still love ya!

Either way, however you've stumbled upon my baby blog, huge thanks for being here sweetie pie's!

Waves, skips!

Leila x

The key to happiness without having it all!

2010-03-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

A simple exercise and observation about happiness.

Here's an example of something that I can do with wild abandon, ease and glee! See if it works for you too!

GOOFING AROUND. A MUCH BELIED QUALITY AND FORCE FOR GOOD.

Not to be done whilst intoxicated.

Best done on an even surface.

Only to be read whilst feeling hopeful.

Remove any awkward items of furniture, glass, memorabilia.

Exercise in goofy walking.

INTERRUPT THE NOTION THAT HAPPINESS HAPPENS TO OTHERS OUT THERE, BEYOND YOUR GRASP!

Soften knees. Get ready.

Jump up and down on the spot.

Be sure not to lock your knees.

Do this whilst allowing your arms to swing arms back and forth freely.

Don't push it - just swing and jump. Like a child would.

Seriously.

Just give it a go for a moment or two.

Notice how you feel.

How do you feel now as opposed to a moment ago?

Different? The same?

Come onnnn - the same?!

OH WISE MASTER. LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN. SEIZE THE MOMENT - IT IS HERE AND NOW.

Try the exercise again. This time add another component of your own making.

Add either...

A silly face.

A sticky out bottom.

ANYTHING!

as long as it makes you feel gooood.

In fact - the sillier the better.

WORSHIP THE BODY FROM WITHIN.
IT KNOWS WHAT IT NEEDS TO FEEL GOOOOOOOD!

Continue the actions as described previously, until your natural instinct to do otherwise arises.

Then, try following that.

If you feel like it, you can take your jumping self around the room.

Go on, quick!

Swing those arms.

Jump jump jump.

Travel all around your flat if you can.

Jumping and swinging.

Vary the jump, or the swing.

It couldn't possibly matter how this thing is done.

So who cares just do your thing!

If you live with a partner, then find them and see how s/he responds.

You could go mad on this exercise.

The variations are endless.

SIMPLE THINGS OFTEN CONTAIN HIDDEN JEWELS. HOW MUCH PRAISE AND KINDNESS CAN YOU BEAR TO GIVE YOURSELF?

You could walk backwards, or slowly, or move like a robot.

You could imagine that you're a crazy Frankenstein monster.

Or you could do something seemingly inane like walking sideways and notice how that feels.

In the past I have been known to move around the space with my head totally relaxed, body bent over and hands touching the floor.

You'll see the world from a new perspective.

But leave out the gurning face. It won't combine well with gravity.

Yes these small things will change how you feel.

Small things like this can help you get back in touch with your knowing body.

The body that knows you'll be alright in the end.

The body that says your difficulties are temporary.

The body that loves to play and move.

However silly it feels.

Doing these things can help you to reconnect with the heart smart part of you that lives within us all. But that we sometimes forget exists.

Just be careful on the way up to standing.

So my little pumpkins, I would love to hear what small, simple, things you practise to lift yourself out of any sad, stuck and inertia.

What works for you?

If you feel comfortable I would soooo love for you to press the 'follow' button if or when you're ready. Or comment here below and share your thoughts and experiences. Either way huge thanks for being here!

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THE BOUNDARIES AROUND MY KINGDOM OR YOU AINT COMIN' IN!

This is an exploratory space. Mistakes will be made. Lessons will be learned.

No advice, nor should's, nor 'have you tried this?'. Thank you!

Either way, whatever you do, thanks for popping by - hugs!

Waves and skips!

Leila

Picture taken from The Ministry of Silly Walks, the glorious and surreal John Cleese in action.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ministry_of_Silly_Walks.jpg

From depression & anxiety - to hope, growth and clarity. Stumbling, falling, starting over!

2010-02-09T13:14:00.001-08:00

THE BOUNDARIES AROUND MY KINGDOM

This is an experimental space. So I give myself permission to change things around as and when I need to. Permission also granted for being so far from perfect in my writing. I am finding my way. In life. Period.

For anyone who'd love to comment? Positivity is welcome, support, cups of tea, toast and all that would be lovely.

Sharing your own experiences and stories would be wonderful too - if you felt comfortable.

But NO ADVICE, SHOULDS, THERAPISING, DISAPPROVAL.

Photo by Mylene Bressan (kyrsun.openphoto.net)

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Some people are just sensitive. Maybe we're born this way. Or maybe our environment makes it so. It's impossible to know one way or another with any iron clad certainty, although we've all got our hunches and that's fine too.

So being sensitive, or hyper sensitive. It's not a bad thing, nor a weak thing, or a rational thing. It's just a thing to behold. Maybe it's even deserving of respect and acknowledgment. Or, if our differences still puzzle you, an open hearted curiosity about them will do just fine, thank you muchly.

Much of my adult life has been about understanding and coming to terms with stuckness and unexpressed pain that is firmly rooted in my childhood. A childhood full of bits of love and violence and the variations between these things. If I've had a thing - it really has been this.

Time given to exploring ways to understand myself when those around me couldn't. Trying to understand why I felt so hopeless, lost, depressed and sad and for so very long - as a child, a teenager and later as a young woman.

Learning more about the hidden and seemingly ugly parts of myself has indeed been the biggest thing I have done yet. Discovering how to make these aspects of myself less of an enemy and more of an ally, a friend, has been the thing that has consumed me.

How best to be the master (or mistress) of my own life?
How best to feel some mastery around my feelings without squashing or disrespecting them and therefore repeating violence to myself, to my soul, in the process?
How to become the Queen of my Inner Kingdom?
What does that look like, sound like, consist of?
Where do I end and others begin?

Yes it has been quite a journey.

People like us - we get to feel things in huge and uncomfortable ways that are impossible to ignore or repress. I can't fib - it's a gift and an undeniable pain in the buttocks.

At times it's a pain because most people just want you to get over it and it's a pain feeling misunderstood for so much of the time. But it's undoubtedly a pain because sometimes the discomfort is so great that the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other feels insurmountable. Yes some times it's no easy task.

Unease, anxiety, guilt, all these unwanted and seemingly unattractive feelings, niggle and gnaw away until they can be ignored no longer. Naked as they are they stand tall and appear in front of us. Blocking our path and impulse to rush on ahead. They ask quietly and then again, loudly, for us to listen and to give them more space to talk and to be.

The truth is I have and am still reaching, grasping and holding on to ways that speak to my need for stability, inner peace, joy, connectedness and flow. Those are the qualities that I crave and hope to create. But the story is not over yet - clearly.

Although it has taken time I have gotten better at trusting that my feelings and bodily - felt sensations will always have something important to offer me and will help me on my way. I've learnt that beneath discomfort lies an unexpressed need that is desperate for expression - the need for acknowledgment, reassurance, empathy, warmth, safety, protection, connectedness, joy?

What I know is that I do not want my life to be

a. sabotaged by stuff that happened to me in the past. I'm not up for that!

b. nor to stuff that was not my fault and to which I was powerless to change at the time. Not up for that either!

c. and I refuse to give up hope, whether I'm still sensitive or in pain or not, that I am capable of thriving - here and now. That there is a place for me, flaws an' all, and I won't be told that these 'flaws of character' will mean I can not find peace at work or at home. No siree. If that's your message -then I would rather you tout it elsewhere.

d. But, most of all, I refuse to give up hope that we can change - crass, simplistic, though that may sound. In short I refuse to believe that trauma will blight my life forever.

Some day my inner chant could also change. Maybe it will be less defiant. A little less 'I Will Survive' and a little more 'Dancing In The Street'. I very much hope so.